Sharing a dog after a divorce or separation is “absolutely” possible – and many canine companions can adapt to life in two separate households after a couple separates.
That’s the message from the RSPCA – who discuss the sensitive issue of post-split pet arrangements as part of a new podcast from divorce specialists amicable.
But separating couples need to be aware of the individual needs of different dogs, and to take steps to try and make any adjustments to new living arrangements as easy as possible.
On a new episode of ‘The Divorce Podcast‘, RSPCA pet welfare expert Dr Samantha Gaines and Divorce Specialist Carol Harte discuss common misconceptions about pet ownership through separation, important legal advice for couples, and chat about prioritising animal welfare considerations throughout the process.
The Divorce Podcast is a go-to resource for financial, legal and parenting advice presented by amicable, the trusted legal service for separating couples.
On the episode, hosted by co-founder Kate Daly, Samantha said: “A shared care arrangement is absolutely a possibility. When I think of my separated friends that have got shared arrangements with their dogs, they have very rich lives, because both caregivers go to incredible lengths when they get to spend time with them.
“They are very much committed to the time they have for their dog when it is their turn.
“They’ll be at home, plan exciting walks and do things they know their dog will absolutely love.”
More than half of all UK households own a pet – and with approximately 42% of UK marriages ending in divorce, a large number of animals are impacted.
However, while acknowledging that in the “vast number of cases” dogs can “adapt very, very well” to carefully-planned new living arrangements, there are further challenges with other species of animals.
Sam adds: “It’s potentially a little bit more difficult having that shared arrangement with cats. They find being transported very, very stressful.”
And for more ‘portable’ animals – like rodents, Sam warns: “We make assumptions because they are small and easy to relocate. But for hamsters, rats and mice, the transport can be incredibly stressful for them.”
She says small furry animals are also “subtle communicators” – and that it can be challenging to notice serious welfare problems until it is too late.
Ultimately, the RSPCA has stressed that – regardless of the species of animal – separating owners need to consider the pet’s individual needs, unique personality, and to ensure their welfare is a focal consideration of the separation process.
In some divorces, changes in living arrangements may be so significant that a couple may need to give up an animal – something Sam says owners should “not feel guilty about”.
She says: “If they get to a point where sadly the only decision they can come to is to potentially relinquish that pet into rescue, they should not feel guilty about that or blame themselves.
“There are circumstances where it is incredibly difficult and that may be the best outcome for a pet – and they reach out to reputable rescues and get the help they need.”
Christina Brazzale – an amicable employee – rehomed a shared family pet due to having different ideas of what an ideal ‘co-parenting’ relationship could look like with her ex-husband.
Juniper, a much-loved German Shepherd, became part of their family during the third year of marriage – but after being unable to agree a successful co-parenting/co-petting arrangement, and due to changing life circumstances post-divorce, the couple reached the difficult decision to rehome Juniper.
She was rehomed the same week that their consent order was approved, in a move supported by her breeder and after several discussions and a meet-up with her new owners.
Christina said: “The outcome could not have been more suitable for Juniper, who now lives in a family environment with one of her siblings and a very dedicated set of owners who understand the breed extremely well and are able to meet her needs.”
“There can be an incredible stigma attached to rehoming a pet due to a relationship breakdown, and I certainly didn’t expect to be in this position. I used to be critical of people who had not planned for their pets if they moved countries or decided to rehome their pet as part of a change in circumstances. In my mind, they are members of the family, and one should be responsible for their wellbeing over the entire course of their lives … including accommodating them as part of all major decisions.”
Advice can be found on the RSPCA website for people facing the difficult prospect of looking to give up a much-loved family pet.
The podcast also explores a range of myths about animals in the divorce process including false beliefs that:
- Whoever bought the pet gets to keep the pet
- Pets can easily adjust to new living arrangements
- Divorce will ruin a pet’s life
- Courts always have a say in where a pet will go
The podcast also discusses the legal status of pets in divorce proceedings – and whether one partner has a right to keep their pet over the other.
While pets were previously considered chattel in divorce proceedings, recent legal examples have instead more thoroughly considered the welfare of the animal, and what would be best for their needs.
However, amicable urges people to try and come to private arrangements for their pets – rather than take the issue into the courtroom.
Divorce Specialist Carol said: “In reality, the court doesn’t get involved – most people will come to a private agreement.
“If you are asking the courts to get involved, it can be a long drawn out process. If you do get to a point where you are telling the judge to get involved, you are giving them complete control. It’s much better to come to these agreements yourselves.
“Courts can take things into consideration like who paid for the pets care, who was the pets main caregiver, and what is in the best interests of the pets. But it’s a really nice step forward that judges are now considering who was the primary caregiver.”
amicable is a legal service for separating couples. They are experts at helping reduce conflict and work couples together to achieve positive futures apart. amicable’s experts manage the legal, financial and family parts of separation, including separating with pets. Their Separating with Pets Advice Consultation is a 90-minute session with an experienced Separation Specialist.
Within this service, amicable help splitting couples come to a joint agreement about how they’ll handle their pet during and after divorce. They can also help formalise ‘co-petting’ arrangements.
More information is available on the amicable website.
The RSPCA also shares tips and advice online about ensuring pets are happy and healthy.