A COUNCIL that has come under fire for removing personal items from children’s graves could look again at how it sets out its rules.
In the space of just a few days, two grieving mothers complained at either being told to remove precious items they had places beside their children’s graves or at their removal by council workmen.
Tegan Thomas had decorated her daughter Liorah’s headstone with solar lights and was distraught to find they had been taken away.
“I like a solar light because I think it means she’s not in the dark. And it’s not just me, I know other parents with children up there who feel the same,” said the 36-year-old who visits her daughter’s final resting place at Varteg Cemetery in Blaenavon every day.
Liorah, who was living with cerebral palsy, died following a chest infection four years ago at just 14-years-old.
Mother Ms Thomas, from Blaenavon, told The South Wales Argus the council had a long list of items that are banned from graveyards and she couldn’t understand the reasoning.
She said: “No solar lights, no windmills, no china, no glass the list is endless. There’s so much they don’t allow. I can understand the glass, that’s fine as it can be dangerous, but windmills and solar lights?”
Megan Edward’s son was stillborn in March this year and is buried at Llwyncelyn Cemetery in Hollybush, Cwmbran, which is also run by Torfaen Borough Council.
She complained at being given two weeks’ notice to remove items, including toys and lights and said she wasn’t made aware of any rules when arranging the burial.
Six months after the funeral, she received a letter, from the council, with a long list of items it said weren’t permitted and told the Argus a plea for leniency was rejected following a meeting with the cemetery manager.
Ms Edwards said: “I said I wasn’t willing to take anything off. She gave me two weeks, but I still said no. Now I’ve been told everything must be gone.
“The only comfort I’ve had is going up there with toys or lights for him. I even bought things for Halloween and Christmas.”
Both mothers also complained about what they saw as inconsistencies in how the rules were applied to different graves.
Blaenavon independent councillor Nick Horler asked at Torfaen council’s most recent meeting if it would review its policy on graveside ornaments.
He said: “I sincerely ask that the policy is reviewed for family members to represent their unique personality in honouring their loved ones and more clarification and understanding be given to the relatives and friends of the deceased.”
He also asked if the council would consider a different policy for children.
Cllr Mandy Owen, the Labour cabinet member responsible for the environment, said she “fully understands the incredibly difficult experience of losing a loved one” and said while it is “difficult to strike a balance” the council must have a policy.
She said certain items with the potential to pose environmental or safety risks or that could disturb the “peace and tranquilty” of cemeteries aren’t permitted at graves in adult sections.
“In the children’s section, candles, lanterns and ornaments can be placed in front of graves and this is consistent with many other local authorities that seek a balance between personal remembrance and maintaining safe, responsible access to cemeteries for all.”
Cllr Owen also said: “I will speak to the team to make sure we are clear on our website in the rules what is permitted and what isn’t.”
At present, the cemetery section of Torfaen council’s website lists banned items under a heading ‘grave ownership’ but there is no clear instruction on permitted items, with the page last updated in March 2024.
Items including candles, glass, balloons and plants over 500mm (half a metre), are listed as not permitted, but there is no mention of different rules for adult and children’s sections.
It also states “items that make a noise or emit light” are banned, despite Cllr Owen being clear candles and lanterns are allowed in the children’s section.
The policy on removing items and how they can be collected is also set out.
Cllr Horler also asked if the council would consider a dedicated area for decorated graves which Cllr Owen said she would speak to officers about.
Cllr Owen also said the council’s cemetery survey last year included a question on grave personalisation, which showed 43 per cent of respondents agreed with the rules, 34 per cent didn’t and 20 per cent were unsure.